I haven't been perfect, we all haven't. But I want you to know my desires and intentions of even my more naive self haven't changed.
As much as it sounds contradictory to say that I believe Heavenly Father wanted me to go this way, I feel it in my heart.
With the history that I have, it is so hard to get by and have a normal life. I am not sure anyone knows exactly how bad of a rut I was in nearly 10 years of my life. Counseling saved my life. I would not be married right now, and even civilly, it is SUCH a blessing.
I like having a goal and a direction together. We have both had such traumatizing pasts that have set us down different paths of our lives. I believe this is the best way for us to work it out - I do not assume to know God's workings, only that I feel in my heart that he is on our side.
I am thankful for so many things. For love #1. I am so overwhelmed with love for my family right now. You have no idea. I love how we can all be together and be SO happy, like we are all on the best, most healthiest long last crack ever. Some families don't like spending time together. I love how much we not only love each-other, but LIKE each-other. That is so important in any relationship.
I am also grateful to be ALIVE. I really don't think I would be if it wasn't for Shawn, my parents and my counselor. I am so grateful to be HEALED. In the way that can only come through our Loving Savior and his infinite atonement. I am so grateful to be LOVED and appreciated. I am so grateful to have the gospel and the world's best most awesome parents. I swear their faults are only disguises. They are angels on this earth.
When I think of my siblings I want to cry. I always wondered why my life seemed to always go in such a obtuse direction. I realize now, with not egotism attached, that God gave me the gift to love and lead. Not a week goes by that I am not thanked by my husband for being the spiritual guide he needed in his life - and not a week goes by that I don't thank him for his lessons of logic. I have became more well-rounded, more even-tempered - BETTER, because of him. I am so excited to where we can walk together next...to the temple. To eternity.
Most of all I am thankful for ALL of your love, support, understanding, non-judgementalness (is that a word?) and patience and companionship. I love you all so much. I am just so full of joy right now. There is so much to be grateful for. So many blessings to count. And at the top of my list is my amazingly beautiful family.
I love you.
Jax
